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    To the Minotar that lives above me

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    Ralend
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    To the Minotar that lives above me

    Post by Ralend on Fri Dec 19, 2008 1:05 am

    (This is my favorite rant from Craiglist. Its not me, but its too damn funny not to share)

    First off, I must say that I admire your courage. It must be hard living in the world today as a lady-beast. Society judges, oh lord do they ever.

    With that said, let’s get down to business. Over the past year, we've had a funny sort of relationship, you and I. When I first moved into the place, it was rather peaceful. It was an exciting time in my life, as it was the first time I would be living by myself. Then came the day that I first heard it. What did I hear you ask? It was sound of your hooves galloping across the hardwood floors of your living room. At the time I thought, “No big deal, surely it can’t always be like this.” Oh was I wrong. It turned out that every time I was at home, you would be up there, stomping around, like the wild lady-beast that you are.

    After a few weeks, I determined through a process of elimination, that you are in fact, a Minotaur. It only makes sense.

    FACT. Minotaurs have hooves, and that’s sure as hell what it sounds like is hitting the floor when you gallop around.

    FACT. A Minotaur posses great strength, the kind of strength that can be felt by a guy laying on his couch, trying to get into a good book. The kind of strength that shakes the dishes in his cupboards. The kind of strength that can wake a guy out of a dead sleep, EVERY FRICKIN MORNING. I didn’t even need to set an alarm clock to wake up in the morning. Instead I wake up to THUMP THUMP THUMP. THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP. THUMP THUMP THUMP. I’m not a light sleeper by any means; I sleep right through the viscously loud police, fire truck, and ambulance sirens every night. I was lying there one morning, frustrated, counting the trips you took between your bedroom and your bathroom. 17. 17 god forsaken trips between the bedroom and the bathroom. Really? Are you kidding me? What could you possibly be doing?

    FACT. Minotaurs are half bull. Bulls are aggressive when taunted. Apparently, the time I went upstairs, politely introduced myself, and asked you rather nicely to please quit stomping around, was a taunt. That’s when you got aggressive. You called the landlord and told him that I was complaining about your noise. When he told me about this, he said his response to your complaint was, “Quit making so much noise then.” Brilliant. Go Mr. Landlord! I tried keeping him out of this, but you felt it important to drag him into it.

    After a few more weeks of you recklessly stomping around, I made another attempt at a civil confrontation. It failed. It failed because you stomped your way to the door, and you didn’t open it when you saw who was standing there. I know this because I heard your hooves clippity-clop their way to the door. Way to avoid confrontation.

    To my surprise, the stomping ceased the next day, and I awoke to peace. “Amazing,” I thought, “It must be a midsummer miracle!!” A few days passed, and I ran into my landlord in the entry way. He mentioned that he received another angry phone call from you. Said that you felt threatened by my confrontations, said I scared you. Strange, since not once did I ever raise my voice or try to be anything but civil. He then mentioned that he told you to buy some slippers to wear around your apartment. Genius! It freakin worked!! Hell yea, Mr Landlord! High five!

    Fast forward 11 months. The stomping has returned. No doubt in my mind the hooves have worn through the delicate fabrics of the slippers and are now, once again, banging against your hardwood floors.

    Please, for the love of sweet baby jesus, run down to the local Target and purchase yourself another pair of hoof mufflers. I know you can run with those strong legs of yours, probably real fast like! Target downtown is all of 10 blocks away. Go Minotaur, go! Overcome the odds, society is watching! (and judging)


    Crinkledstraw
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    Re: To the Minotar that lives above me

    Post by Crinkledstraw on Mon Dec 22, 2008 10:22 am

    Hahaha. I read that for the first time about a month ago, and I almost died laughing. So hilarious.
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    Demag
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    Re: To the Minotar that lives above me

    Post by Demag on Mon Dec 22, 2008 2:54 pm

    He's must of known my sister Shocked

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    Re: To the Minotar that lives above me

    Post by Crinkledstraw on Mon Dec 22, 2008 7:46 pm

    LMFAO!
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    SirSqueeboo
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    Re: To the Minotar that lives above me

    Post by SirSqueeboo on Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:56 am

    Jesus, that reminds me of the girl that lived above me who always wore hooker boots around the house. It was so loud that the people below me could hear her. Drove me so crazy that I moved out! Did I mention she was responsible for a mouse infestation of biblical proportions? Nothing like hordes of mice chewing through electrical wires and hearing mice shrieking in the walls, then smelling their charred remains in said wall.

    Yes, this was in a $900.00/month apartment with nothing included.
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    Ralend
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    Re: To the Minotar that lives above me

    Post by Ralend on Tue Dec 23, 2008 1:12 pm

    ... I had a squirrel living in my wall once. The house was a dump though and it must have chewed its way in. Landlord never cared enough to get rid of it. When I moved out, it was still in there.

    Crinkledstraw
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    Re: To the Minotar that lives above me

    Post by Crinkledstraw on Tue Dec 23, 2008 1:22 pm

    Nothing like hordes of mice chewing through electrical wires and hearing mice shrieking in the walls, then smelling their charred remains in said wall.

    Yiiiiikes.

    There was a dead bat in our friend's apartment bathroom sink yesterday. To top it off, there was a cockroach enjoying a nice dinner of dead bat eyeball.

    /me gags
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    Ralend
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    Re: To the Minotar that lives above me

    Post by Ralend on Tue Dec 23, 2008 1:23 pm

    Mmmmm Tasty
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    Erixxxx
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    Re: To the Minotar that lives above me

    Post by Erixxxx on Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:16 pm

    Hahaha, very nice loking through this thread while eating dinner. :-D
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    SirSqueeboo
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    Re: To the Minotar that lives above me

    Post by SirSqueeboo on Thu Dec 25, 2008 4:08 am

    Crinkledstraw wrote:
    Nothing like hordes of mice chewing through electrical wires and hearing mice shrieking in the walls, then smelling their charred remains in said wall.

    Yiiiiikes.

    There was a dead bat in our friend's apartment bathroom sink yesterday. To top it off, there was a cockroach enjoying a nice dinner of dead bat eyeball.

    /me gags

    For some reason I find that humorous. Not sure why though.

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    Re: To the Minotar that lives above me

    Post by Crinkledstraw on Fri Dec 26, 2008 9:04 am

    Oh, I found it quite funny as well, but probably only because it wasn't in my sink, and I didn't have to dispose of the thing.

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